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Dating on the Net
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ONLINE DATING ADVICE
(c)
Rinatta Paries
Start a Mass Dating
Campaign
We all know people
who are burned out on dating. Perhaps you are one of them. Perhaps
you have thrown yourself into the dating world more than once, looking for
that Mr. or Ms. Right, only to come up empty handed and disappointed.
And so, the heck with dating, you say. If Mr. or Ms. Right is going
to find me, he or she will have to find me in my life. And you are
right. Dating, as it exists in our culture, be it Internet dating,
personals, dating services, etc. rarely facilitates meeting Mr. or Ms.
Right. And if it doesn't give you what you want, why bother, right?
Hold on to your seat, because I am about to tell you why you should run,
not walk, to your nearest mass dating opportunity if you are ever to me meet
Mr. or Ms. Right.
Mass dating for the purpose of this article is any venue offering you the
opportunity to meet more than one person at a time, such as Internet dating
sites, dating events, singles ads, etc.
Let's have one of my clients tell you what she has learned from mass dating:
" I have learned "how to read people." My intuition has really gotten much
sharper from mass dating!!! This is another benefit from mass
dating......I can learn quickly whether or not someone is good for
me......eliminating dating people for extended periods of time and then dealing
with a break up!!" -J
Let's start with saying that you will not be looking for Mr. or Ms. Right
while dating. And yet, you will be doing some other extremely valuable
things.
10 powerful reasons you should start a mass dating campaign, without the
goal of finding Mr. or Ms. Right:
1. See who you attract
One of the main reasons to do a lot of dating is to see who you
attract. This is a great test of how close you are to meeting Mr. or
Ms. Right. The people who will pick you out on a dating website or
from an ad will remarkably resemble the types of people you will attract
in a real life situation.
If you find you are attracting people who remind you of your past relationships
or who are not a good match, take it as an opportunity to do some soul searching.
Look into what in you is attracting incompatible mates.
2. See who you are attracted to
To engage in a lot of dating is a great way to figure out who you are
attracted to. As you probably know, who you are attracted to initially
is not necessarily someone who can build a good relationship with you.
Mass dating allows you to discover patterns in your attraction, to see real
live examples of your tendencies in relationships.
Are you drawn to people who are unavailable, or are you drawn to people who
deeply want a relationship? If it is the former, delve deeply into
what attracts you to people who are not available. In this exploration,
you will find the key to attracting the kind of mate you crave.
3. Learn about yourself
Mass dating is a great arena to learn about yourself. There is
no greater power than knowledge. Armed with knowledge, you can choose
to change behavior that does not serve you or makes you feel comfortable.
Learn how you behave when you first meet someone. Learn how you behave
on a date. Learn how much or how little you reveal about yourself.
Learn whether you are more interesting or interested in the other person.
Learn what happens when you are attracted to someone. Then, transform
what you don't like and what does not serve you.
4. Get comfortable
Not everyone is comfortable with dating. In fact, most people are
not comfortable, especially when they feel attracted to the person they are
with. Mass dating is a great way to learn to get comfortable, which
is a pretty important thing.
If you can be comfortable on a date, you can be keenly in touch with your
feelings and can detect who you are on a date with. When calm, you
can distinguish a person who wants a relationship from a person who will
engage quickly and will burn out quickly.
5. Practice setting boundaries
Are you comfortable with gently setting boundaries? Are you comfortable
saying yes or no to something, and feeling the conversation and the relationship
can continue unharmed? Dating many people, many times, can train you
to set boundaries in a firm yet gentle way.
Why are boundaries important? Boundaries show self-respect. Boundaries
give you the safety to venture into a relationship and know you will take
care of you no matter what. Date a lot, and practice setting boundaries
without hurting or shocking people.
6. Disprove your beliefs
Here is a great way to use mass dating. Disprove what ever you
believe about the opposite sex. Decide to attract, meet and date people
who are opposite or different from what you believe most of the opposite
sex to be.
So, if you believe most men cannot communicate deeply, decide to meet many
men who yearn for deep, soulful conversations. And, if you believe
most women have become hard and cutting, decide to meet many women who are
gentle and loving.
If you do not meet people who disprove your beliefs, you are probably attached
to the world being exactly how you think it is. Perhaps, it is time to consider
some radical actions to break up your belief systems.
7. Get a sense of abundance of possibilities
Many singles, busy in their professional lives and with their friends
and families, feel a deep sense of scarcity regarding meeting a compatible
mate. Mass dating is great for this sort of thing.
When you get out there with the purpose of dating on a wide scale, you start
to see many other singles, available and interested in a relationship.
Over time, if you continue to date, you will feel a sense of abundance.
By seeing abundance, you can start to trust again that you will meet your
Mr. or Ms. Right.
8. Feel desirable
It's not hard to feel unwanted and undesirable when you are not spending
much time with the opposite sex. And, feeling unwanted and undesirable
dims your light, makes you less attractive, lowers your self-esteem, and
perhaps even makes you want to hide. Not a great thing if you are ever
to attract Mr. or Ms. Right.
If you get out there enough, you will attract many, many people who will
be interested in dating you. A great tonic for feeling undesirable.
9. Expand your community
If you are to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, it is a good idea to widen your
community. And, if you are growing and changing, upgrading your community
to match the new you is a great idea as well.
Mass dating could be just the thing for expanding your community. Approach
dating as a way to meet new people and form relationships, instead of a way
to form THE relationship. Many great friendships, business leads and
dating a friend of a friend have come out of mass dating.
10. Have fun
Dating is an adult playground. When you date, you go to nice places,
listen to music, dance, go to plays, dinner, movies, etc. You engage
in activities that most of us do not make much time for in our busy lives.
If you are feeling a lack of fun in your life, go out and start dating and
playing. It will make your life satisfaction quotient go up, and in
turn, will make you very attractive to Mr. or Ms. Right.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
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